If you don’t know what that post title means, you can skip this post. I kid, I kid. I’ll break it down for you. I’m 27 (I’ll be rolling a 28 in September). I’m a geek. I’m a mom. And I’m looking for my peeps (LFG is a term from online gaming that mean “looking for group”).
You don’t have to fit perfectly into any of those categories for us to get along, but my humor will make a lot more sense if you giggle at the word “dubble“. (Yes, Felicia Day has her own video blog now. You can thank me after you’ve lost the rest of your morning to her adorable nerdiness.)
I have a few, no a lot, of personality quirks. While we are not 100% certain that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, I exhibit enough symptoms that my hubby & family generally consider me to be Aspergian. This can either make for hilarious awkwardness or just uncomfortable awkwardness. I tend to miss a lot of pop culture references & generally don’t grok humor that is based on interpersonal relationships (like any sitcoms ever, I just don’t get them).
My interests are wide & varied, and I love to learn, so I’d probably learn yours just so we could hang out. (No, seriously, ask my husband about his guitars. Do it.) I’m just as happy spending a sunny Sunday in the woods or on the beach as I am parked in front of my Xbox or walking the mall.
If you’re interested in hanging out (inRL or online), hit me up in the comments or on Twitter or on Facebook.
You know how beer goggles make people look more attractive? (Well, kind of… see the Mythbusters about that.) Anyway, I have something similar when it comes to clutter.
Call them my Clutter Blinders.
I’m not entirely sure if it’s conscious or subconscious, but I simply cannot see clutter. (Up to a point, more on that in a bit.)
I can walk around the house thinking oh, it’s not that bad while my husband gets more & more irritated.
At some point, I realize actually, it is that bad. Usually it’s right after AJ has tried to put dustbunny #7 into her mouth. Or after I can’t set a glass of water down because there are 5 other glasses sitting in the same spot. Or after I can’t make coffee because my french press is buried at the bottom of a sink full of dishes that have been there for goodness knows how long. And omigosh what is that smell?
Then I go on an angry cleaning spree & wear myself out in one room.
Hubby & I are working through a couple of courses/systems to help get it under control, but I have to first learn to see the room as it actually is. Not as my blinders would have it.
How about you? Do you see clutter & it bugs you? Or are you like me? Blissfully unaware that the house is coming down around your ears?
I wrote this almost four years ago, but as relationships change over time, it’s still relevant today.
—-
Today I unlocked the door to a long unused room in my heart.
My heart pounds in anticipation of what I will find here. I remember so much about this room. There was so much joy here. Love and laughter. Tears, also, but mostly laughter. It was a bright sunny space with many happy memories.
My heart sinks as the door opened. The room is dark and cold. I choke on the thick cloud of dust swirled up from the opening door. I tip-toe across to open the window and let in the light.
My eyes brim with tears as I survey the scene before me.
The furniture is covered with sterile white sheeting. The pictures have been taken off the walls and lined face down along the walls. The paint is cracked and peeling.
The neglect is appalling.
Then I notice something else. Several of the pictures are not just laid by, they have been hurled across the room and left laying, shattered, where they fell. Mixed in with dust on the floor are tear stains and a few blood stains as well.
Suddenly, the other memories flood back in. The pent up anger and jealousy that led to throwing the pictures across the wall. The loneliness and despair that had led to the slow, painful lock down of the room.
The summer there was no longer time for me.
The winter I was replaced.
I stand for a moment, just remembering. I remember the days coming here in tears. I remember the months spent carefully covering the furniture. I remember the day I locked the door not sure when I would return.
Somehow, this neglect and hopelessness seems so much worse. Worse than the rooms I have burned to the ground in my anger. Just down the hall, a door opens to embers and charred beams, but I feel no remorse for that.
My tears well over, I can not help them. This systematic lock down and neglect. I did this. I did it on purpose.
This hurts worse, I feel worse about this room, because this room matters. It was and still is important.
I walk to door. Now a decision must be made.
Do I stay? Do I try to patch that which has been broken and neglected?
Part of me says “No, close the door and walk away.” This is the lonely, tired and cynical side of me.
My hope says, “Do not give up. Not yet. It has been a long time, but all is not lost.”
Oh my goodness! Can you believe it? Since we’re a couple months behind on her updates, I’ll give you the tl:dr from the last couple of months. Milestones: Babbling. Pulling up. Two more teeth. Pincer grasp (and the extra dexterity … Continue reading →
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. -Romans 12:15
I have always wondered why this verse was necessary. It seems to me that empathy is a basic human instinct.
However, this last week I have run hard into this imperative.
Late last week, Nish from Nish Happens tweeted that she was leaving the Blissdom conference to be with her family because her younger brother had been placed on life support.
My heart came to a complete stand still. We are just now approaching the six month mark from our own journey through the ICU.
I prayed fervently for her, for her family, for her brother.
I know He doesn’t answer that question, but I ask anyway.
“Why them, and not us?”
When Jesse comes out of AJ’s room with tears streaming down his face, because the realization has just hit that she is the only baby we will ever have pictures of with Dad.
When I look into her sweet face and she smiles with his dimples.
When birthdays and anniversaries pass.
“Why?”
I know He doesn’t answer that question, but I ask it anyway.
Munchkin is 9 months old now. Well, nearly nine and a half.
And my goodness, is she ever busy. That’s another one of those things that seems to skipped a generation. Jesse & I are slightly above couch potatoes on the busyness scale, but we both have had very active fathers. Papa Tim was an avid mountain climber. Papa Jeff hikes, hunts, and fishes. So, along with inheriting their morning-person-ness, AJ has also inherited their activity level. Ay yi yi. Guess we better get in shape if we’re gonna keep up with this girl.
While she’s just started getting up on her hands & knees & rocking, she’s getting around quite well with this commando crawl/carpet swim:
And by getting around, I mean don’t turn your back or she’ll be under the kitchen table attempting to pick up the crumbs from yesterday’s lunch. I mean, um, not that there are any crumbs under my table or anything. Right. Moving on. Nothing to see here.
She got her first taste of Jamba Juice & she was hooked. We actually had to hide the cups from her for the rest of the trip. She also gave herself her first brain freeze by trying to drink the smoothie out of Grandma Val’s straw too fast.
Shortly after I took this picture, she appeared at my feet. Girl is fast. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with her.
Motion blur, baby. Or motion blur baby. Whichever you prefer.
She’s picked up a couple of hilarious habits this month. One being that she likes to kick back in the corner of her high chair. “Yo ‘sup, mama?” Oh, yeah. And eating a carrot. No big deal.
After washing her face off, she’ll grab the rag & stuff it into her mouth with both hands. Like so.
Chilling on the couch with mama & her walrus. AJ’s walrus. Not mine.
Also new this month, race crawling to whomever just walked in the door & then “airplaning” to ask to be picked up. Picking up an item, turning it over & looking at it, then raising it up over her head & rotating it, as if to say “hey, look what I found!” A giggle/chuckle thing, where she looks at you & says “huh, huhuhuhuh” in that deep baby voice.
And the leaning. Omigoodness, the leaning. I wish I could get a picture of it, but as soon as she sees my phone, she stops leaning & reaches for it. (Thanks a lot, Grandma Val, for teaching her that trick.) She’s finally gotten a grasp of object permanence, so she knows that something is still there, even if it’s behind something else. So she’ll lean over as far as she can, to see whatever it is that’s hiding.
The other day, it was my Auntie Kari’s earrings. But for some reason, AJ only wanted to see the earring on the side that was farthest from her. So she would lean over, grab Kari’s face & turn it to the other side & proceed to reach for the earring. Auntie Kari would pull the earring away & we’d start talking again. And AJ would do it again. That may have been the first time she made me laugh until I cried. I have no doubts that it will not be the last.
She still loves having something touching her face when she sleeps. I am so grateful I managed to pick four of these up when they were at H&M. She loves the texture of them up against her face.
She loves being awake. Waking up from a nap or from nighttime is seriously the best EVAR. She squeals & gasps & sometimes makes herself cough she’s so excited to be awake.
I love her smile as it continues to grow with her (and her teeth, we have two so far, I think a few more are not far behind). When I walk into her field of view, there’s a split second where you can see her brain register that it’s me. Then, recognition grows into a smile, which slowly spreads itself across her face until it’s a two-tooth, two-dimple grin. Then, a squeal of delight. Race crawling to my feet.
Yeah, it’s a dramatic title for our “weather event”. But, I don’t get to choose the handles. It is the most major winter storm that I remember.
Most folks are comparing it to 1990. I do remember there being a lot of snow that year, but I don’t remember how much. Hubby thinks they may have gotten 13 inches out where he grew up. He’s a little older than me & can remember 1990 better.
I do know that it’s not every winter we get to see something like this:
That’s 7 inches of snow. After things started melting around here. And there’s probably about a 3/4″ cap of ice on top.
Those are icicles. Hanging from the siding on our garage.
Since this is AJ’s first real winter storm, we took her out to the snow.
Why are we doing this again?
Our “round” tree out front:
The ice is falling off of things with great crashes. It’s rather unnerving, aside from the pretty ice sprinkled around the lawn.
This bush used to be in the front yard. About half of it is in our backyard at the moment. (I’m actually hoping this freeze will do some damage to the bush. I hate that thing.)
And I’m only going to burden you with my favorite ice covered vegetation picture (I took a few), from the aforementioned bush.
Never have I been more grateful for Tacoma’s infrastructure (and lack of large trees). It was bad enough being house bound for four days. Being house bound with no power and an infant would have been infinitely worse.
Yes, it’s way late, but I’ve decided not to worry about it. Also, it’s just pictures because I’m too tired to come up with words at the moment.
Also, munchkin is 8 months old. She has her two bottom teeth, and since the drooling & obsessive chewing haven’t stopped, I’m guessing the top two are not far behind. She is quite mobile & becoming a champion commando crawler. Almost too fast for mama to keep up with.
