Ashes of a Burning Heart

Ashes of a Burning Heart

No. 2 Pencil, Micron 005, Prismacolor Pencils, EyeEm Android App

The Lenten fires are burning.

The cold sweats. The nightmares. The shakes.

Ok, ok. It’s not quite as bad as all that. But I have woken myself up multiple times checking people’s Facebook pages in my dreams. (Interestingly, they all had photos edited with an Android app called Paper Camera.)

I’ve had to log in a couple times to get information out of messages that weren’t saved elsewhere. The little icon with the number of notifications is now flashing in front of my vision:

Don’t you want to know what people are saying? Don’t you?!

I find myself checking my phone about every 5 minutes, so it’s a good thing I’ve removed the shortcuts & notifications. I’ve actually taken to playing solitaire on my phone so that I have something to look at other than my home screen. Got to try to shake that habit too, because part of the point of this is to decrease my dependency on my phone to fill time. Remind myself how to think in longer sentences than 140 characters.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been thinking along, and had a quip run through my mind and thought, “I should tweet…. oh. Never mind.”

I’m learning a couple things about myself:

  1. I am too enamored with my own cleverness. I cannot just enjoy life, I have to share it with everyone. Hopefully with clever enough commentary to garner a laugh.
  2. I have become dependent upon comments & “likes” as a metrics system. It is well documented on the web that blogs have become much less likely to be commented on than social media, so I was prepared for the drop in engagement. What I was not prepared for was my reaction to that.
  3. I have been using social media to meet my need for connectivity. I am having to be intentional about replacing that connection with tet-a-tet time with people I love. I have always had a hard time with the “RL” vs “online” distinction that has been made. Some of my best friends I met or developed our relationship online. A lot of my courtship with my husband was done over IM (due to crazy work/college schedules). So at this point, I am not ready to call the connections made in social media worse or less than “real”, I think this is going to teach me about maintaining connections in the analog space.

One of the reasons for doing this fast in particular is because of time. I waste so much time on my phone, usually in TweetDeck or Pinterest. When I’m at a computer, I almost always have a Facebook tab open so I can check to see if anything has posted in the last 5 minutes while I’m waiting for a page to load. And I think that’s part of why I keep looking at my phone. I have trained myself to be unable to simply wait for something to happen (even if it’s 5 seconds for a website to load).

Another reason is to retrain myself to produce content, rather than just consume it. So today, I took my sketchbook & art supplies to work, and the doodle above is what came out while pages I am working on were refreshing. (Side note: I just discovered a second tray inside my pencil case, which means I have twice as many colors. Squee!)

One of the things I feel that is missing, that I’m going to try to remedy is a way to share content that I find in my wanderings around the wild web that I think people need to see.

So, I introduce to you:

Wandering the Wild Web

How I learned to stop worrying, and love failure by Wil Wheaton
I love Wil’s post about how often times our greatest successes come on the heels of failure.

In which I add “Gibor Chayil” to our lexicon by Sarah Bessey
A post celebrating the mighty men of valor in our lives. I am blessed to count my dad & husband among this number. Thank you to both of you for your support of the women in your lives.

A promise to myself as a woman (and launching A Dare to Love Yourself) by Emily Wierenga
I was particularly challenged by several of these clauses about how we view ourselves as women.

Losing sight of the shore by Bok Choy Nomad
My dear friend on her move to England a few weeks back. I loved her perspectives on courage and stepping out of our comfort zones. While I had heard a lot of this story, there were a few details that I hadn’t heard before and it was a wonderful reminder of the stories we all carry.

CdCblanc on deviantART is a 19-year-old designer based in Germany who designs couture gowns based on geek culture (the ones based on Iron Man & the Hunger Games are my favorites).

Moffitt Merch is a new merch line created by John Moffitt, part-time starting offensive lineman for the Seattle Seahawks.

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