Category Archives: grace

Five Minute Friday: Friend

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From Lisa Jo:So, here’s the skinny: every Friday for over a year hundreds of people join a kind of writing flash mob over here.

We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that I post here at 1 minute past midnight EST ever Friday. And we connect on Twitter with the hashtag #FiveMinuteFriday

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.

Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

It’s easy to join in, just:

  1. Check what the prompt is on my blog.
  2. Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
  3. Link over here and invite friends to join in.
  4. Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
  5. Using the linky tool at the bottom of my Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
  6. Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
  7. Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

Our most important requirement for participation: There’s really only one absolute, no ifs, ands or buts about it Five Minute Friday rule: you must visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

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Friend is a hard word for me to write about. In fact, I found myself wanting to duck out of this week’s prompt entirely. But the harder I tried to walk away, the more it pushed to be written about.

What is a friend? “One who sticks closer than a brother” is the typical answer.

In that case, I’ve never had one. And frankly, I’m tired.

I’m tired of pouring myself into seasonal relationships. I’m tired of pursuing and choosing and not being chosen.

I don’t even want to try any more, because, really, what’s the point? It’s not like the relationship is going to last beyond a few months or years. One of us will move, or the life circumstances will change, and then, we won’t be friends any more.

Just acquaintences. People you pass in church and cordially greet, but who aren’t intimately involved in each other’s lives. People you watch their kids grow up on Facebook, because you don’t actually get to be involved in the growing up process.

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I did not want to write for this prompt. Like at all. Once I had cried and written it and cried some more, I didn’t want to post it. But I guess that’s part of the healing process.

Wednesday, Day of Ashes

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Ash Wednesday

I must confess, in my Protestantism, to still not entirely understand this day of ashes.

Lent, I understand. A season to remember the sacrifices that our Savior made on our behalf.

But, ashes? Why ashes? They are referenced many times in Scripture, but I have no cultural “hook” to hang them on. They are often used in parallel with fasting and repentance, which is what this season is about. They are also associated with grief, which I guess this season could be about. I have always viewed it as a season of delayed joy. There is sorrow, yes. But the story doesn’t end at the Cross.

His sacrifice is what brings our redemption. And our God is not dead. On the other side of the Cross, there is an empty Tomb.

So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes. — Daniel 9:3 (TNIV)

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I am not in the habit of announcing fasts, but given the nature of this Lenten fast, I wanted to provide a heads up. I am fasting from social media from now until Easter. So please do not be alarmed if I suddenly have appeared to drop off the face of the earth. I have removed the shortcuts from my phone and turned off all notifications.

I will be leaving the social plugin on my blog active, so that posts will continue to be pushed out to social media.

Looking Back: 2012

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Before 2012 started,  I made a list of goals. I wanted to revisit those goals & see where I’ve ended up.

Get out of CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome).
I’m going to give myself a D- on this one… We made some progress over the summer which quickly evaporated after Jesse started school & I got pregnant. We did have a few people over, but we’ve definitely got a lot of work to do before Otter baby comes.

I want to learn to play the piano, more than “Mary Had a Little Lamb” or C-scales. I want to finish writing three songs this year.
Fail. I didn’t spend any time practicing. I got a couple of lyrics in good shape, but because I didn’t learn to play the piano, I can’t put them to music.

I want to re-learn how to shoot manually. And maybe even pick up an SLR this year.
C ish. We weren’t able to pick up a full-manual camera, but I did spend some time playing with the manual settings on our camera, as well as the ones available on my phone. I think I made some progress, and looking to continue making progress this year.

A weekly portfolio piece. Possibly based on the liturgical calendar.
Fail. I kept this up for a couple of weeks, but then it petered out. I may consider revisiting this again this year.

Get comfortable in my post-baby body.
B. Over the summer, Jesse and I discovered The Carb Nite Solution and both of us were able to pull off a significant amount of weight and tighten up our body measurements. I never did get into the swing of working out, and struggled with some image issues as a result, but over all I consider this to be a success.

Open an Etsy shop.
C. Rather than an Etsy shop, I started Literary Jewelry. I haven’t had the time to commit to this site & so haven’t made very many sales, but I hope to be able to invest in getting an online store set up as well as a few more pieces in stock.

Get my first tattoo.
D. While I did not get a tattoo, I finally found something that my husband has agreed to. I will probably wait until after Otter is born to have it done, but am researching the exact design for now.

Get into a rhythm of blog posts.
D. I had a few stretches here & there, but eventually I would run out of my buffer & the posts would stop coming again. I want to work on this again this year. I have things I want to say that take longer than a tweet or a wall post. If I could be happy with the mobile posts, I would probably get more posts written, but I love my keyboard & the ability to easily write HTML on the laptop.

Find a way to serve my church that doesn’t conflict with the first two life goals.
D. Still working on it.

Open, unpack & get rid of all the cardboard boxes left over from moving in three years ago.
Fail. On the list of things to do before Otter gets here.

Start taking the stairs again at work.
C. I got pretty good at this for a while, then stopped, then started again. Then I got pregnant & taking the stairs leaves me seriously out of breath, so I stopped again.

My grades don’t really reflect it, but I feel like this was a good year for growth. It was a very difficult year for me emotionally. I can’t explain why very well, but it was rough. I feel a bit like a learned what being “grown-up” is like. Doing things you don’t want to do, because they need doing. I made much better strides at work than I did at home, this year is going to be about moving that growth to the homefront.

NaNoWriMo: The end of all things

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Ok. Not really, but I thought it sounded cool.

My word meter hasn’t ticked over 31000 words. In the terms of NaNo, this means I “lost” (didn’t win, anyway). I went through a series of emotions when I realized that I wasn’t going to finish in time.

First, was the guilt for allowing myself to slack off, for giving up with a week left in the month.

Second was the excuse making. And, boy, do I have some doozies. Namely, these two:

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Add to that an ear infection that laid me out for nearly a week, and you have a recipe for failure.

However, in the last couple days, I have come to realize that not only are these excuses, they are obstacles. Obstacles I managed to over come to generate 31k words of fiction. I wrote all that content in a holiday month, with an 18 month old, while fighting off an ear/sinus infection and morning sickness.

For the first time in years, I have held off my seasonal affective disorder until December. This project gave me something to focus my energy on, and kept my spirits high. And that is a benefit not to be discounted.

So, I don’t get a neat little badge for my website saying that I “won” NaNoWriMo, but I have 31k words towards a novel. One that I still intend to finish, albeit at a more reasonable pace.

Nandi will have her story told. One way or another. She is very insistent about that.

Examen: Community

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When & where did I sense God’s presence?
In community. Thank you so much for where you have placed us. Thank you for safety. Thank you for vulnerability. Thank you for grace.

What am I thankful for?
Community. Prayer. Jesse. AJ. Growth. And yes, even change.

Where am I at emotionally?
Exhausted. It has been a bit of a roller coaster day.

Look forward to tomorrow.
Hopefully can wrap up my major project tomorrow & get started on the next one. Give me grace to navigate those waters. Help me to reserve enough energy to serve my family when I get home.

Examen: Chiding

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When & where did I sense God’s presence?
Mostly in the little moments of silence. And mostly chiding me.

What am I thankful for?
Sunshine. This week has been beautiful & I’m so grateful. It makes the transition to fall so much easier.

Where am I at emotionally?
Honestly? A little weepy.

Pick a feature of the day & pray from it.
Abba, I’m sorry. Forgive me?

Look forward to tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day … “with no mistakes in it.” –Anne-girl

Examen: Conviction

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Photographic evidence of my Examen:

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I am not posting the transcript or a clear photo, because God did some work today. We had some serious conversations & a lot of conviction was felt that has not been completely worked through.

However, the Examen had played a big role in helping me to process through what happened & how I have dealt with the conviction. Through this exercise, I have realized that there is more work to do. Work which I may have assumed was completed without the deeper examination.

I am coming into the belief that this may be the best spiritual discipline I have ever incorporated. And one that I will continue to practice probably my whole life.

Examen: Already Vital

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I believe that one of the important pieces to building a new habit is to give yourself grace to skip a few times throughout the process. I have been so tired this past week that I decided to give myself permission to skip doing the Examen for tonight.

I have paid dearly for this decision. My brain has woken me up multiple times reprocessing the events of today.

It’s 1 am & I’m awake & sitting on the couch instead of sleeping. Apparently, this is already a vital part of my day.

Where did I sense God’s presence today?
Mostly during the times when I got to hang out with my husband & my little girl. It’s amazing how much watching her grow reveals about the character of God.

What am I thankful for?
Grace, grace, grace. I needed a lot of it today.

Where am I at emotionally?
Restless. I feel a sense of shame, but I’m not exactly sure what for.

Pick a feature from today and pray from it.
Abba, forgive me for attempting to cut your time out of my day. Remind me of its importance. Help me to guard that time.

Looking forward to tomorrow.
I really have no idea what to expect tomorrow, which is leaving me a bit unsettled.

[DoC] Living Room in Progress

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I’ve decide to turn my Delusions of Cleanliness post into a blog series documenting my growth in the area of organization. I’ve been reading Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living* by Tsh Oxenreider (she blogs over at Simple Mom), & this weekend we started the process of her “10 Days to a Simpler Home”. It will take us much longer than 10 days, because we only have evenings & weekends to work on it, but I hope to be finished by the end of the summer.

If you’ve ever watched the TLC show Clean Sweep, it’s a very similar process. Box everything up & get it out of the room (except for furniture & wall hangings). Then clean the room from top to bottom (literally, start with the cobwebs & work down to the floors).

So, here’s the before in all it’s craziness:

 

 

 

 

Yes, that is it’s normal state. I told you I have clutter blinders.

My mom watched AJ for most of the day Saturday, so we could focus on clearing out & cleaning the room. We were blessed with beautiful weather, so we boxed everything up & put it on the back porch. It’s amazing to realize just how much stuff you have when it’s all in piled up in one place.

 

 

 

 

Then, we turned our attention to cleaning. Especially the piles of cat hair that had accumulated behind all the furniture. (We sometimes call them our “little hair farmers”.)

 

 

 

 

After a good dusting, scrub down, & vacuum, we started moving the boxes back in from the porch.

Ideally, we would put all the boxes in the garage & bring them in one at a time. However, due to no good deed going unpunished, I managed to lose our garage key into the grass in the backyard, & we cannot find it anywhere. I was getting some things out of the garage last week for folks to borrow, & after locking the garage back up, when attempting to carry everything into the house, the key flung out into the yard. I have a very general idea where it ended up, but no amount of searching has brought it back into the light. On a related note, does any one know how to get one of these round padlocks* off a door? They’re quite secure, which is nice for keeping unwanted visitors out of the garage, but not so nice when you’re the one who needs in.

Entertaining side note, this is a conversation we had in discussing how to find the key.

Me: I’ve looked multiple times & I can’t find it.
Him: Well, we could mow the lawn & dump out the mulch bag & rake through that.
Me: We could. Except the lawn mower is in the garage.
Him: Drat.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no, we can’t just open the electric garage door. Our wonderful previous homeowners installed the door incorrectly & the pulley wire cut through the track. Oh, how I wish I was kidding…

Anyway, back to the boxes. We couldn’t just leave our stuff outside, so it all had to come back in. But we’re processing through the boxes one at a time & deciding what to keep & what to get rid of.

So far we have 2 boxes of things to go into a garage sale & 1 to go to Half-Price Books. (I would love to move the garage sale boxes into the garage, but… yeah.) We also have a box of shoes to go into the master closet once we get to that room (we currently can’t get into the shoe storage).

As of the end of Sunday night, this is where we’re at:

 

 

 

 

On the surface, it doesn’t look much better than the before photos, but most of what’s in those boxes is not coming back in. We’re editing down to the things that line up with our family purpose (another one of Tsh’s awesome suggestions, blog post forthcoming) & that line up with our purpose for the living room.

I feel hopeful about the direction of our house for the first time in a very long time.

Once we’re done with the clean sweep of this room, it’s going to get a Pinterest make-over. If you’re interested, you can check out my inspiration board.

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